May 2017 - Held Together

The Habits of A Highly Successful Leader

Danielle Moser Leadership May 18, 2017

It can be difficult to articulate exactly what it takes to be a successful leader. However, we all know a great leader when we’re working with one. They’re knowledgeable, decisive, compassionate, and generally hold themselves and those around them to a higher standard. But what exactly does one need to do to become a successful leader?

If you’re looking to be a great successful leader, these habits will help get you there.

1. Leverage Resources

Successful leaders know that the reason they have been put in charge is to get the best out of their resources. So when it comes to deciding strategy, solving problems, or resolving issues, they look to identify the best resources available to get to a solution quickly. They understand that leading is not about providing all the answers, but rather assembling the right team to ensure the best solution is found and implemented.

2. Respond vs. React

Great leaders have fantastic emotional intelligence, and they understand that knee-jerk reactions don’t typically lead to the best outcomes. They are in control of their words and actions and can consider all of the information to make the best decision possible.

3. Take smart risks

They understand the difference between a safe bet and a wild bet. While risky bets do tend to pay off once in awhile, a successful leader is very good at weighing the pros and cons of each situation and making a fair assessment of the risk.

4. They know that actions speak louder than words

Words are extremely powerful but tend to not mean as much if there isn’t any action behind them. Leaders define company culture by setting the example and living the desired culture on a daily basis. Posting your company vision and values statement on the bulletin board doesn’t cut it.

5. Focus On Solutions

Blame is never the solution to an operational problem although accountability is important. Good leaders look to solve problems first, then seek to ensure that the issue does not arise again.

6. Confidence vs. Arrogance

There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence helps build trust in the leader and arrogance destroys it. A successful leader is confident in their abilities to deliver, but share the credit for the successes with their team.

7. Plan Ahead

If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail. Great leaders know this, and they also understand the need for urgency, but they never jeopardize the chance of success by ignoring the planning. Great leaders find a way to slow things down, to take a step back and ensure that their teams are focused on the right things, and understand what needs to be done to be successful before rushing in.

8. Hire Well

Leadership is not about being the best person on the team; it’s about hiring the best people for the team. Great leaders know this, and they have the confidence to hire people who are more knowledgeable and skillful than they are. In fact, they make it a regular practice.

9. Focus On Sustainable Success

This doesn’t mean that they avoid quick win. Rather, they understand the benefits that they can have in building momentum. But they do understand that the best success is sustainable success, which requires time and effort to achieve. Great leaders leave a legacy of success which continues well after their departure.

10. Detail Oriented

Leadership is about big picture thinking, about setting the vision and direction for the team, the organization or the company. But once that’s done, then there is the need to figure out the how. How will this success be achieved? Leaders can’t just remain big picture people if they want to achieve success.

11. Know When to Outsource

Great leaders know that they don’t need to do everything and that for the areas that they (or their team) are weak, they can delegate that work to outside sources. They know that they have been hired because of their strengths and they focus on using these strengths to benefit their organization. They are also confident enough to be vulnerable and show their weaknesses and get support rather than to cover them up or try and hide them.

12. Determined but flexible

Knowing when to change direction is an important skill. A successful leader remains fixed in their goals but flexible in how they achieve them.

13. Personable

Leadership is about getting the best out of all of the available resources, and to do this leader need to be great at relationship building and working well with others. Great leaders leverage their networks, and they also know that this is a two-way street providing support to their network when needed to ensure that it will be there in their time of need. A leader’s support system is their best asset.

14. Understand the Power of Recognition

What gets recognized gets repeated, and great leaders understand this and look to build a culture of recognition. They know that it starts with them, and they take the time to send personal notes, give words of encouragement and praise people in public.

15. Share credit

Leaders set direction and define that strategy, but it’s the team that delivers the results. Great leaders know that they will receive credit without having to take it, they know that reflected glory from their team is just as valid and important.

16. Quick to praise, slow to criticize

Mistakes happen, people learn from them, and any organization looking to grow needs to have leaders who can create a safe environment which nurtures talent. When you’re quick to criticize, especially in public, it kills morale and discourages others not just the person being criticized.

17. Laser Focused

When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. Leadership is about helping to keep your teams focused on the goals, keeping their eyes on the prize and minimizing distractions. To do this leaders need to be laser focused because if they become distracted, then the organization becomes distracted.

18. Accountability

There are a million and one reasons why things don’t work out as planned, but good leaders know that the buck stops with them. They don’t make excuses; they look for the reasons why things didn’t go well and then look to fix them.

19. They Don‘t Micro-Manage

Micro-management is a sign of weak leadership, a lack of trust in the team, and can hinder the performance of the team. You need to give clear direction, set clear expectations and then give your teams to the room to be successful.

20. Are Consistent

There is nothing more destabilizing to a team that a boss who is inconsistent. Great leaders look to build confidence in their team’s abilities, and one of the best ways to do this is through practicing consistency.

Conflict Resolution Guide

Danielle Moser Leadership, Personal Development May 10, 2017May 10, 2017conflict resolution

Conflict is a normal, natural part of human relationships. People will not agree about everything all the time. In and of itself, conflict is not necessarily a negative thing. When handled constructively it can help people to stand up for themselves and others, and work together to achieve a mutually satisfactory solution. But if conflict is handled poorly it can cause anger, hurt, divisiveness and more serious problems. This guide discusses how to deal with conflict in a constructive manner.

Sources of Conflict

There can be many causes or reasons for conflict. However, some of the most common include:

• Personal differences such as values, ethics, personalities, age, education, gender, social and economic status, cultural background, temperament, health, religion, political beliefs, etc.

• A clash of ideas, choices, or actions. For instance, conflict can occur when people have incompatible goals, when they are in direct competition, or even when they have different work styles. Finally, poor communication or miscommunication is one of the biggest causes of conflict.

Preventing Conflict

While it isn’t possible to prevent all conflict, there are steps that you can take to try to keep conflict to a minimum. One way to manage conflict is to prevent it from occurring in the first place. Preventing conflict is not the same as avoiding conflict. Preventing conflict means behaving and communicating in a way that averts needless conflicts.

Consider the following tips:

• Respect differences. Many conflicts arise from differences in gender, generations, cultures, values, etc. We live in an increasingly diverse world. Learn to respect and celebrate peoples’ differences and their opinions.

• Treat others as you’d like to be treated. Regardless of your personal opinion of someone, be professional, courteous, respectful, and tolerant, even when you’re frustrated. If a person treats you disrespectfully, calmly tell them you do not appreciate it. Do not exacerbate the situation by retaliating with inappropriate behavior or comments.

• Keep negative opinions to yourself—Most people are put off by hearing negative comments about others—especially related to personal issues. In the workplace, this may lead to disciplinary action. Friends and acquaintances may be equally “turned off’ by negative comments about someone, particularly if they feel they are being drawn into a conflict or being asked to take sides. If you need to vent about a personal issue, do so outside of the workplace, keep it to a close, trusted friend or a loved one and keep it to a minimum.

• Keep your distance—Unfortunately, this is often easier said than done. Often the conflicts arise with those who are closest to us. It is often easier to get along if you respect one another’s privacy and boundaries. Taking a break from each other can go along way in keeping the peace.

Mutual Conflict Resolution

In most cases you should be able to resolve conflicts by working with others involved. Here are some steps to consider:

• Step One: Identify the purpose and importance of the conflict—and your mutual desire to solve it.

• Step Two: Takes turns listening to each other’s side. This is a very important step and one that requires good listening skills.

• Step Three: Once all the issues are discussed, repeat and summarize what was said. It may help to write this down or even create minutes ‘ to document issues discussed.

• Step Four: Ask questions as needed and encourage others to do the same. Do you understand their point of view? Are you sure they understand yours? Clarify as needed.

• Step Five: No matter how intense the conflict, you should always find issues or points that you agree upon: For instance, “we agree our goal is to increase sales by 10 percent this year. Or, “we agree that we need to cut our household costs, we just don’t agree on what costs we can cut.

• Step Six: Next, list ALL Solutions— even those that may seem unrealistic, unreasonable, or wrong.

• Step Seven: Review all the possible solutions and highlight those you find mutually acceptable. Hopefully you will have at least one or two that you agree upon.

• Step Eight: Choose the one (or few) that you agree will work best.

• Step Nine: Put a plan into action.

What steps will you take to implement? How will you review progress?

By creating step-by-step guidelines and mutually agreed upon solutions and action plans, you should be able to minimize conflict and achieve desired goals.

Dealing Constructively with Anger

Conflict can result in anger. Anger is a normal human emotion ranging from annoyance to absolute rage. Each person’s anger “triggers” are different, some may get angry at a friend’s behavior, other causes of anger can be more serious—such as personal problems or a previous traumatic experience.

In and of itself, anger is not necessarily a problem—when focused appropriately it can help people to stand up for themselves and others. But if anger is channeled in negative, inappropriate ways it can cause problems. Consider the following ideas to help deal constructively with anger:

Anger is a strong emotion, and isn’t always easy to control. Two crucial skills in managing anger are self-awareness and self-control. Try to recognize and identify your feelings, especially anger. Once the feeling is identified you can then think about the appropriate response.

— Self-awareness is being conscious of thoughts and feelings. Examine how and why you are feeling angry to better understand and manage these feelings. For example, ask yourself questions such as “why am I angry?” or “What is making me feel this way?” to assist in self-analysis. Learn to recognize your personal warning signs for anger.

— Self-control means stopping and considering actions before taking them. Learn to stop and think before you act or speak in anger. For example, envision a stop sign when you are angry and take the time to think about how to react. Explore techniques to calm down such as counting backwards from ten to one, deep breathing, or just walking away.

– Relax. Try relaxation exercises, such as breathing deeply from the diaphragm (the belly, not the chest) and slowly repeating a calming word or phrase like “take it easy.” Or to think of relaxing experiences, such as sitting on a beach or walking through a forest.

– Think positively. Remind yourself that no one is out to get you, you are just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life.

– Problem-solve. Identify the specific problem that is causing the anger and approach it head-on—even if the problem does not have a quick solution.

– Communicate with others. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions and speak without thinking about the consequences of what they are saying. Slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying.

– Manage stress. Set aside personal time to deal with the daily stresses of work, activities, and family. Ideas include: listening to music, writing in a journal, exercising, meditating, or talking about your feelings with someone you trust. Change the scene. A change of environment may help reduce angry feelings. For example, if your co-workers or friends are angry frequently and/or make you angry, consider spending time with people who may contribute more to your self-confidence and well-being.

– Find a distraction. If you can’t seem to let your anger go, it can help to do something distracting, for example, read or watch television or a movie

– Set a good example. If you are teaching your child to control their anger, make sure you practice what you preach. Show by example how you manage your own anger.

When to Seek Help

There may be times when, despite your best efforts, you may not be able to resolve a conflict on your own. If so, get help.

If the conflict is work-related, you may need to speak to your manager or human resources department, particularly if the situation is affecting your work or impeding your chances of achieving goals.

In any conflict, if the conflict is is so severe that it’s leading to serious relationship problems, or creates a danger of physical harm and/or emotional or psychological damage, seek immediate help. Consider the following sources of assistance:

Your employee assistance program (EAP)
Medical practitioner
Mental health professionals, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, or mental health counselors, etc.
Community mental health resources

When using these strategies, you will be in a better position to quickly and effectively resolve conflicts in your life.

13 Questions for 13 Reasons Why

Danielle Moser Personal Development May 3, 2017May 2, 2017mental health, Netflix

Author: Dina Rabhan

See original post at http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/13-questions-for-13-reasons-why/

As a mom of seven daughters, a professional in the film industry, a teacher, a social worker, a self-proclaimed child advocate and someone who cares about the future of our human race, I watched what is now the most talked about new Netflix original series 13 Reasons Why.

And I am glad that I did.

I found the series gut-wrenching, sad, and tragically real.

I know there is a lot of controversy about its explicit content and grave concern about its impact on young viewers. That’s an important conversation to have. But for now, and for me, the show is a reminder of many important truths. As a believer in the “show, don’t tell” way of teaching, this series is a must-see for adults.

Why? Because we need a wake up call. While all of us are arguing about whether this series should have been made for young viewers, let’s not miss the elephant in the room: adult cluelessness. We need to open our eyes and realize that grown-ups often have no idea what might really be going on with their children: pervasive drinking, drugs, sex, and myriad mental health issues. It’s time for us to take a long hard look at what we are doing, what we are seeing, and more importantly, what we might be missing.

I have not stopped thinking about it since I finished binge-watching last week, and I am haunted by questions for myself and for all the adults who have the power to make a difference for our children.

So here are my 13 questions for 13 Reasons Why:

1. Why must adolescence and high school be so painful and wretchedly lonely? How can a student standing in a hallway filled with hundreds of other students feel so completely alone and invisible?

2. Do we work hard enough to know the stories of all of our high school students? Do we listen enough? Do we hear? Do we read between the lines? Do we slow down to notice the subtleties in their spoken and written words?

3. Why are cafeterias and lunchtime ALWAYS horrible? Since my John Hughes movie days, nothing has changed. The lonely girl looking for a place to sit is trite and yet not an anachronism. #schoolfail

4. Don’t even get me started on how the show portrays class time in the school: dull, tedious, boring, and overall something the students appear to tolerate at best. A teacher puts a movie on and instructs the class to pay attention, and not use their devices while he gets comfortable for a nap. Did the millions of children watching the show relate to this depiction? #ShameOnUs

5. WTF. OMG. Social media have completely changed the high school experience. Watching the wildfire of destruction from a text and a WhatsApp was sobering and horrifying. Are we doing enough to help our young people make good choices, do what’s right, and understand the power of social media and its potential for causing pain?

6. Do schools see themselves honestly for what they really are and what the school experience is like for ALL of their students? Can a school be completely oblivious to a bully culture? Do schools still celebrate the athletes with hidden curricular messages of winners and losers ? Are there schools with the courage to hold up a mirror and truly see what they are? And if our schools aren’t brave enough, which one of us will make sure to hold that mirror for our children’s sake?

7. Parents. OMG parents. This aspect of the show was the most painful for me, because despite believing that I am a fairly good parent, I have been guilty of seeing through my children. Always loving them but being preoccupied with life and inattentive to their needs. It’s haunting me, and hard for me to write this next sentence, but could Hannah have been my child?

8. Peer pressure is intense and dangerous. The scene in which a ring of students watch and cheer on two brawling students felt contrived and yet totally possible. But how could that be possible? One boy almost killed the other boy while the voyeurs were cheering, taking videos, and egging them on. I don’t want to believe we live in a world like that. But maybe that’s why the producers included it…to end adult naivete.

9. Did the mental health counselor blame the victims? Do we blame victims? How can we ever blame the victims? Just like teaching, mental health professionals require extensive training. Being a good listener does not suffice, and poorly trained counselors are dangerous. Do our schools understand the critical importance of superior mental health care in schools? It’s a matter of life and death.

10. So many of the characters were suffering from their own family or personal issues. And yet, no one knew. Do teachers understand that they are on the front lines, and often spend more time with our children than we do? How many teachers scan the faces in their classrooms and wonder what life outside of school is like for that student? Do teachers seek to know the full child? How many children are suffering silently?

11. How do schools manage tragedy? How do they balance protecting themselves and taking care of their students?

12. How many parents knew their children were watching this show? How many parents knew about the mature and upsetting content? What other content are our children watching that we might not know about? What kind of impact will seeing the horrible rape scene and suicide scene have on all of the young viewers? Will they ever be able to un-see those images? And now that we know, what is our plan? What do we do to help our children understand and process the show’s complicated themes?

13. And finally, why is this show so popular with our children? What does it mean for us, for them, and for our future?

My plea to my fellow grown ups: This show does not reflect well on us. We can brush it off and dismiss the charges as false and a mischaracterization of reality or we can stare down the truth and see the show as a harsh indictment of our neglect, and a magnifying glass held to our failures. I know many of you are actually trying, doing good things, and are not accurately reflected in this series. But too many of us are. And it’s time we came up with our own 13 Reasons Why we need to do better.