Personal Development

5 Ways to Choose a High Quality Life Coach

Danielle Moser Personal Development , ,
how to choose a life coach

Today, I am sharing an amazing article originally posted at http://paulsohn.org/5-ways-to-pick-a-high-quality-teacher-or-coach/. Enjoy! 

 

The research confirms what we all know either anecdotally or intuitively – that great teachers/mentors/coaches make a real difference in our lives.

The hardest part is finding great teachers, mentors, and coaches to guide you in your personal growth.

Here’s some excellent advice from expert Daniel Coyle on how to find high quality teachers, mentors, and coaches.

1) Avoid Someone Who Reminds You of a Courteous Waiter

This species of teacher/coach/mentor is increasingly abundant in our world: one who focuses his efforts on keeping you comfortable and happy, on making things go smoothly, with a minimum of effort. This is the kind of person who covers a lot of material in a short time, smiles a lot, and says things like, “Don’t worry, no problem, we can take care of that later.” This is a good person to have as your waiter in a restaurant , but a terrible person to have as your teacher, coach, or mentor.

2) Seek Someone Who Scares You a Little

In contrast to encounters with courteous waiters, encounters with great teachers/coaches/mentors tend to be filled with unfamiliar emotion: feelings of respect, admiration, and, often, a shiver of fear. This is a good sign. Look for someone who:

  • Watches you closely: He is interested in figuring you out – what you want, where you’re coming from, what motivates you
  • Is action-oriented: She often won’t want to spend a lot of time chatting – instead, she’ll want to jump into a few activities immediately, so she can get a feel for you and vice versa
  • Is honest, sometimes unnervingly so: He will tell you the truth about your performance in clear language. This stings at first. But you’ll come to see that it’s not personal – it’s the information you can use to get better.

You’re not looking for a buddy or a parent figure. You’re looking for someone solid, someone you trust, someone with whom you take a journey.

3) Seek Someone Who Gives Short, Clear Directions

Most great teachers/ coaches/ mentors do not give long-winded speeches. They do not give sermons or long lectures. Instead, they give short, unmistakably clear directions; they guide you to a target.

4) Seek Someone Who Loves Teaching Fundamentals

Great teachers will often spend entire practice sessions on one seemingly small fundamental; for example, the way you grip a golf club, or the way you pluck a single note on a guitar. This might seem strange, but it reflects their understanding of a vital reality: These fundamentals are the core of your skills. The more advanced you are, the more crucial they become.

5) Other Things Being Equal, Pick the Older Person

Teaching is like any other talent: It takes time to grow. This is why so many hotbeds are led by people in their sixties and seventies. Great teachers are first and foremost learners, who improve their skills with each passing year. That’s not to say there aren’t any good teachers under thirty – there are. Nor is it to say that every coach with gray hair is a genius – they’re not. But other things being equal, go with someone older.

 

Amazing Life Lessons: “Finish Well”

Danielle Moser Personal Development
"finish well"

You can ask any triathlete and they will tell you that training takes tons of preparation and hard work. They have to train their bodies by working them out on a daily basis so that they can stay physically fit. Eating healthy is also a must if they plan on reaching peak physical agility and fitness. And they even have to stay mentally fit as well. They can’t allow their opponents to psych them out.

They do all of this so that they can be well prepared to do their best race day. Even though they do not know the outcome, they still get out there knowing that they have put in all the preparation that they need to be a contender, and they give it all they have.

The future can be a pretty scary thing for athletes, and it can be equally terrifying for us. We don’t like the unknown or uncertainties.

We know what has happened in the past because it already happened. We know what’s going on in the present because we’re living it.  The future will now and forever more be a mystery – which is unsettling.

Even though triathletes are uncertain of their futures, in the same way that we are of ours, one of the things they say when they get into the race is that they have learned from past mistakes. They know to watch out for. And they have trained.

They realize that they cannot expect to win if they do the exact same thing that they did in the past, so they change it up and adjust their techniques and tactics based on the lessons that they learned. And even though the outcome of the next race is uncertain, they can go into  it with more confidence. The goal is to “finish well”.

Good things have happened to us in the past and so have bad things and we often think about these things. When we think about the good things we smile as we look on at these memories with fondness, but when the bad memories enter into our consciousness we often times become scared of them. We hold on to these bad memories, but most of the time we don’t use them to benefit us in some way like we do with our good memories. So, instead of holding on to the bad things from the past, you should let go of these bad memories. Let go of the memories, but carry any and all lessons that you have learned from your painful past into the future with you.

The future may end up seeming a little less scary when you show up each day with an arsenal of life lessons that can help you to combat any potential threats that you might face. Remember you don’t ever want to show up to a race unprepared. Even the smallest bit of preparation can give you an edge over whomever or whatever you’re facing, and when you come to your race with your lessons in hand you will end up having just a little bit more of advantage to help you “finish well”.

 

Show Up: Living with Purpose

Cheryl Held Personal Development , , ,
life each day of your life with purpose

I have a serious question…

How satisfied are you with how your life is going?

If your answer to this question is that I’m pretty satisfied with how my life is going, or some variation of that, then good for you! Keep on doing what you’re doing.

For those of you who aren’t too satisfied with how your life is going, this next part is for you.

People can live a hundred years and end up not truly living a single day of those hundred years feeling satisfied. If you’re wondering how this can be true, then ponder this…

What’s the point in living a hundred years if you’re not going to make sure that you make those years count? If you aren’t going to make a difference in the lives of others? Are you kind? Respectful? Are you driven? Humble? Devoted? Do you show up for what matters and do you say no to the things that don’t?

If you’re not living a life that you enjoy, then are you truly living? Your life should be full of meaningful moments.  Sometimes the first step to finding satisfaction, is to choose positivity over negativity. To choose joy.

You can do this by becoming more aware of how you’re feeling and when you’re feeling it. Pay attention to your emotions as they happen and choose your responses wisely.

Unexpected and unwanted things will enter into your life. We are all going to deal with difficult moments. We don’t have to let these moments stop us from living our life with joy.

Part of living with joy and intention is living in a way that gives you a purpose and fulfillment, not emptiness. If you’re not feeling fulfilled then it’s your job to go out into the world and find that something that makes you excited to live. And don’t live somebody else’s version of your life. Live your version.

When Yasutaro Koide, the oldest man in the world, died this past January at 112 years old, an interview with him was published. He was quoted as saying that his secret to living a long life was due to the fact that he tried to not overdo things and that he tried to live with joy. He was intentional about his own joy and satisfaction. In his life, he showed up and lived it well.

So choose positivity, live intentionally, find your purpose, and simply show up.

– Cheryl

 

 

 

On ‘being’ Present

Cheryl Held Personal Development

As a leadership coach and counselor, I work with people who want to improve the way they interact with others – at their job, in their families and socially.

When clients participate in a 360 assessment, a comprehensive insight report or a leadership self-assessment, one of the lowest reported behaviors is  “Gives others his/her full presence and attention during meetings and conversations.” If you take time to observe your personal behavior and that of others you work or live with, you’ll understand why the behavior of being fully present is often rated so low.

The increasing levels of dependence on smartphones and other electronics are well documented. If you’re paying attention to, or distracted by what’s on a screen, you’re not fully present for the people you’re actually talking with. Earlier this year, I worked with an executive who decided to focus on being more present for her staff. She made some choices that made a difference in her being present for her staff. Some of her choices included:

  1. Putting the smartphone away during meetings, out of reach.
  2. Turning off the computer screen during meetings. Fully focus on the person with no distractions.
  3. Conducting meetings away from her desk so she wouldn’t be distracted by anything on it.
  4. Asking people who stuck their head in her office for a quick question while she was talking to someone else, to come back later.
  5. Negotiating a call back time with her partners rather than stopping what she was doing for an important call or question.

When I asked her to reflect on the impact of making those changes, she said what surprised her most was that she felt not only like a better boss but also like a better person.  She said that after a few weeks of being very present, she realized that her distractibility had been a lack of respect for the people she was working with and cared for.

The ongoing benefit and growth for my client have continued. By being more present at work, she’s found that she’s more patient outside of work as well. Her daughter has been home from college this summer and she’s strengthened her relationship with her by giving her more of her undivided attention. She said, “I am so much more aware of what’s going on around me. I have become a much better listener and observer of others.”

That’s a lot of positive leverage out of something as simple as deciding to be more present in your life.

This week, work on being present.

For example:

– Enjoy your work. Don’t be too busy thinking about deadlines or bottom lines, to give yourself a chance to enjoy it. Do your best work – for the right reasons.

– Don’t be so distracted by thoughts of Monday morning that you spoil the weekend.

– Do not let the opinions of others, formed through actions you took in the past, stop you from being who you are in the present.

Wherever you are, commit to being there, completely. Life will take care of the rest.

Pick a meeting or two where you’re going to put the smartphone away, turn off your computer and silence the ringer on your desk phone. Family dinner or movie night? Electronics away! Notice what happens relationally. Then do it again.

You just might be pleasantly surprised at the benefits of being fully present in your own life.

If you have an interest in doing a leadership assessment, contact me at cheryl@heldtogether.net  It would be my pleasure to work with you.

Over-commitment

Cheryl Held Personal Development

How can we make a well-articulated NO feel as comfortable as a whole-hearted YES?

There is something about the holiday season that makes me pause to consider motivation for overcommitting and the tendency to be busy?

Why are we unable to say no?

What is our need to say yes just because someone asks?

If we are brutally honest, there are questions to consider about our motivations for over commitment – our tendency to be busy.

 

Is it about receiving recognition from others?

Are we looking for a pat on the back? Or trying to keep everyone happy – even those who wouldn’t be pleased regardless of what we did? Are you saying yes in an effort to stand out? Are you exhausted and still saying yes?

If so, we may be spreading ourselves thin by committing to that which has no long term value or honest interest to our goals. What if others withhold the pat on the back, or the recognition we want?  We are left feeling empty but still crazy busy.

 

Is it about money?

The drive toward financial security can cause us to believe that what we have is not enough. It encourages workaholism.  We say yes to making our schedule over booked.

We commit our time to things that take us away from the essence of our professional selves. Some believe that with higher income comes deeper respect.  Self-respect is not measured in dollars.

 

Is it about your passions?

My daughter is one of those people, who at a young age, focused intently on what was interesting to her. She was inherently good at discerning how to use her time (not always what I thought she might want to be interested in!) and what she wasn’t. She remains true to herself and her passions to this day.

I am passionate about a wide variety of things: art, family, children, life coaching, death education, mixed media journaling, faith in God, cooking, relationships, friends, writing a book, teaching, learning, travel, process oriented art … you can understand why being passionate becomes exhausting, confusing and overwhelming.

We live in an age when those of us with a wide range of interests have vast access to information and opportunities pertaining to our interests. There is no end to the possibilities for over commitment.  Causes are worthy – needs are real. Resources are limited.

  • What would it mean to take control of your schedule?
  • Are you willing to stop saying yes too many times?
  • Can you narrow your focus toward a more grace centered and committed approach?
  • What would a less harried life, filled with more joy, look like to you?

 

How can we make a well-articulated NO feel as comfortable as a whole-hearted YES?

This time of the year, we have finite time and energy. We need to be careful about how our resources are spent, and consider what the motivation is.

  • Saying no allows other people to say yes. They can step up to use their time, energy and resources.
  • Delegating responsibilities is an excellent use of leadership skills in the home, in the work place, and in philanthropic situations.
  • Asking for help gives others the opportunity to serve and use their talents. Asking for help is a sign of self-awareness, it is not a sign of weakness.

 

May we be motivated by simplicity in this season.

Let your YES represent the essence of you!

Partnering with people in the process of life coaching toward effective decisions is a privilege for me. If you, or someone you know, would benefit from life coaching or counseling during this season, please share my contact information.

 

Feel free to share this message.
I sincerely appreciate your support and your referrals.

 

Cheryl Held
HeldTogether LLC
cheryl@heldtogether.net
410-259-5050