How can we make a well-articulated NO feel as comfortable as a whole-hearted YES?
There is something about the holiday season that makes me pause to consider motivation for overcommitting and the tendency to be busy?
Why are we unable to say no?
What is our need to say yes just because someone asks?
If we are brutally honest, there are questions to consider about our motivations for over commitment – our tendency to be busy.
Is it about receiving recognition from others?
Are we looking for a pat on the back? Or trying to keep everyone happy – even those who wouldn’t be pleased regardless of what we did? Are you saying yes in an effort to stand out? Are you exhausted and still saying yes?
If so, we may be spreading ourselves thin by committing to that which has no long term value or honest interest to our goals. What if others withhold the pat on the back, or the recognition we want? We are left feeling empty but still crazy busy.
Is it about money?
The drive toward financial security can cause us to believe that what we have is not enough. It encourages workaholism. We say yes to making our schedule over booked.
We commit our time to things that take us away from the essence of our professional selves. Some believe that with higher income comes deeper respect. Self-respect is not measured in dollars.
Is it about your passions?
My daughter is one of those people, who at a young age, focused intently on what was interesting to her. She was inherently good at discerning how to use her time (not always what I thought she might want to be interested in!) and what she wasn’t. She remains true to herself and her passions to this day.
I am passionate about a wide variety of things: art, family, children, life coaching, death education, mixed media journaling, faith in God, cooking, relationships, friends, writing a book, teaching, learning, travel, process oriented art … you can understand why being passionate becomes exhausting, confusing and overwhelming.
We live in an age when those of us with a wide range of interests have vast access to information and opportunities pertaining to our interests. There is no end to the possibilities for over commitment. Causes are worthy – needs are real. Resources are limited.
- What would it mean to take control of your schedule?
- Are you willing to stop saying yes too many times?
- Can you narrow your focus toward a more grace centered and committed approach?
- What would a less harried life, filled with more joy, look like to you?
How can we make a well-articulated NO feel as comfortable as a whole-hearted YES?
This time of the year, we have finite time and energy. We need to be careful about how our resources are spent, and consider what the motivation is.
- Saying no allows other people to say yes. They can step up to use their time, energy and resources.
- Delegating responsibilities is an excellent use of leadership skills in the home, in the work place, and in philanthropic situations.
- Asking for help gives others the opportunity to serve and use their talents. Asking for help is a sign of self-awareness, it is not a sign of weakness.
May we be motivated by simplicity in this season.
Let your YES represent the essence of you!
Partnering with people in the process of life coaching toward effective decisions is a privilege for me. If you, or someone you know, would benefit from life coaching or counseling during this season, please share my contact information.
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I sincerely appreciate your support and your referrals.
Cheryl Held
HeldTogether LLC
cheryl@heldtogether.net
410-259-5050